You are only responsible for changing your behavior, not someone elses
Posted By: Jan on 2007-02-14
In Reply to: What's reallly bothering you.... - about his touch?
I am the product of a divorce years and years ago and thank goodness my mother had enough sense to not stay with my father. He was actually caught running around on her with other women. I knew my father growing up, spent time with he and my stepmom, loved her but I missed absolutely nothing by not having him in my house every day. You are responsible for your own self-. The advice you are giving is like saying a man messes around on a woman, drinks too much and maybe after the marriage he will change. You can only make yourself happy, no one else can do that for you. I have never had a time when I could not stand my husband, never and I would believe he probably feels the same. We laugh when others say they have to work at marriage- we just do not get this. Like I said, product of divorce, happily married myself, never missed my father, saw him but never, ever close in my life. By the way, I am one of the older and wiser group also.
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I do not go into anyone elses home like this and
I expect the same from others. I would not enter even my mother or fathers home, my aunt. This is rude and they would knock or ring the door bell if they came to mine. Rude to just go into a person's home.
It is none of his business or anyone elses for that matter. sm
I love Halloween. I love Christmas. Well, I don't really care what anyone else thinks. I decorate more for Christmas than I do for Halloween. There are people now that don't celebrate Christmas too. You know what I think.. to heck with them and ALL of THEIR beliefs. I am going to continue to do what makes me happy and what has been celebrated in my family for way more years than I want to admit. The world is changing. Whether we decide to go with it is OUR choice. If you have fun doing it, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It really is none of their business. For the first year in probably 18 years, I am dressing up with my children and I look forward to it (They asked me too). And even tho it is early, Happy Halloween!!
Supposedly in vitro with someone elses
xx
Changing my name.
Too many MT in MT on here now. I'm changing my name for those I chat with regularly on here.
I think I would consider changing vets, too-sm
after this, as it is not wise to give a cat just dry food. They need the wet food to keep from getting dehydrated. Dry food does not contain everything they need to maintain good health as they have mostly grain and no true meat products. Check with other vets. This one sounds a little too pushy and has a large ego. JMO
changing your OB in the last month of pregnancy?
I was just wondering if anyone here had any experience with changing your OB in the last month of pregnancy? Or if anyone knows anyone who changed their OB late in pregnancy?
Without going into too many details, my OB was away on a personal emergency this week and her partner was not in the office due to the holiday. I was having some problems this week and I needed an OB on Friday. I called but my OB's office only had a recorded message. There was no answering service. So I stuck it out until Satruday and went to the emergency room at the hospital where I was supposed to be delivering this baby. The Triage Nurse at the hospital was so awful and mean to me that I burst into tears and stormed out of there. She didn't flat out refuse me medical attention, but she gave me such a hard time about being there that she made me feel very uncomfortable, and in so many words she forced me out. She was the nastiest most unprofessional person I have ever dealt with in the healthcare industry. DH agrees.
So now DH and I are totally turned off to that hospital and I don't feel comfortable at all delivering there. Fortunately for us, we have 2 other excellent hopsitals close to our house. The problem is, my OB only delivers out of the hospital where I had this incident. So I was thinking of changing back to my old OB for the end of the pregnancy. He delivered my nephew and my sister said she liked him and had no problems with him. But he has not dealt with me pregnant. I just went to him for 2 annual checkups several years ago, then decided to change over to my current OB because my sisters and friends raved about her.
And it's really been a textbook pregnancy -- no problems with me or the baby. He would just need my records sent to him, and he'd need to know that I will be a scheduled c-section. Really at this point all I need is for someone to go in there and get the baby out for me.
Any advice? Do you think he would refuse my case since I'm 35 weeks already? The whole incident is unfortunate, and I love my OB, but I am so turned off to the hospital that I'd be willing to go with another OB just to be able to deliver out of another hospital where we'll feel comfortable and taken care of.
time changing? Eastern
Was Eastern time delayed for some reason- my regular clocks on the eastern and 2 clocks fell back an hour? What is happening?
So tired of changing my clothing day after day after
well, you get the point. I basically am ok while sitting- just when getting up or in the morning, unable to make it 10 feet without an accident. It has been past time I should have seen about this, too busy trying to make that $$$ and other things I got going on. Now is the time!
Changing shoes helped me.
I had a touch of this years ago. I realized it was from one particular pair of shoes. It went away when I quit wearing them. Are you seeing a podiatrist?
Does anyone know if we'll be changing time?? sm
I thought it would've been this past weekend. Every Halloween it's dark by about 5 pm. I haven't heard or seen anything about time change.
changing 35 mm slides to pictures?
Has anyone recently changed 35 mm slides into pictures? Do you know who can do it? I just found loads of slides from my honeymoon 28 years ago. I forgot my husband and I used to take slides.
TIA
Is there a trick to changing the ink jet on the HP printer. Seems to be a problem for me. Just a
small personal one. nm
Installing pot lots over the mantle and just changing the decorations out can do
s
For a real life-changing book, read The Last Lecture. nm
x
I disagree. Women have gotten killed by not moving or changing their phone numbers.
l
Yes, but if only 1 kid responsible, do you really think
the whole school would be given notice of being punished? Think about it. I am sure and anyone who does this type of work knows there are products out there to help a gaseous distention. My goodness. My DIA parapro here in Georgia and she tells me when her classroom children do things like this and she tells them to say excuse me - they tell her their parents don't mind. You all need to research this a little and I am sure you would be surprised as to whether medically related or attention getting actions.
You are not responsible for others
especially in an age group like this, just as you are not responsible for your parents. When you are grown, responsible for your own actions. Saying this did not have to happen- your life is written before you are born and no matter, that is already decided. This is the way it was supposed to be or never would have happened. I am not saying this is horrible situation but just the way these lives were supposed to start and if not this way, another way but I believe things are going to happen like your whole life is already planned out. Make plans but does not matter.
There are a lot of responsible and
a lot of irresponsible 15 year olds out there. In our state you can't get a license until you are at least16 and 3 months and then after driver's ed and behind the wheel. At 15 my son was definitely responsible enough. My daughter will be 15 in January and I don't know if I would say the same about her. You are the parent and you know your child and what they can and can't handle.
You are not responsible if he won't help himself (sm)
Tell him you think he needs to go to be observed a little while at the mental ward at the hospital. If he will not work and will not go get welfare, that is his problem, not yours. He should not expect you to take care of him if he won't even apply for welfare - anyone can fill out the paperwork for that, good grief. I think I would have to tell him off really well...or seriously tell him that since he won't do anything at all to take care of himself, he needs to go to a nursing home or mental hospital. Tell him you will have him committed.
be responsible and fix your cat.
nm
Some daily exercise does wonders for mood, self-esteem, and changing your shape. Start off with
s
No matter how responsible you are
and how much time you spend with them, you cannot be there 24-7 to supervise them. That is completely unrealistic. Can we take them to the doctor, to the store, to the kids' school? Come on now.
There is a responsible way to crate an animal. No matter how much you train them, my labs still would have eaten anything in site for a certain period of time. There is no way I would leave them unattended to run my errands and chance them getting into something that could harm them. Regardless of the material objects as you call them, they could get hurt.
Also, a child does need a crib and a playpen. To say that those are used so that you do not have to supervise your kids is ridiculous. Everyone has to go to the restroom at some point. Should we carry them everywhere or perhaps let them run around so they can get into something that would harm them until we finish our business? Wow....
I believe a pediatrician would even tell you that those are necessary in raising a healthy child, and I am not talking about someone who puts their kids in a playpen all day instead of spending time with them either.
No, he is an adult and responsible for himself.
nm
Too bad some responsible adult...
could not get those kids. We have a celebutard, immature, crazy mother against a wanna be anything hanger on who is only interested in money...some role models! I hope there is money put away for the therapy those kids will need. The parents even give white trash a bad name!
sounds like you have a very responsible son!
that's awesome. He hasn't pushed the issue so I may just wait until he asks again. i also need to check the policy at school regarding boys wearing earrings.
no, it is not all a matter of responsible
ownership. There have been very loving responsible owners themselves attacked by their own dogs. A popular dog breed can be overbred indiscriminately and ruined. Unfortuntately this breed is too unpredictable. I've always been around animals, large and small and have both now. I would never have a pit bull. I visit my friend less often now who now has one, and won't get out of the car if it is loose. Not to mention that these dogs don't just bite, which would be bad enough, they instinctively go for the kill. I haven't read the link you provided yet, but do NOT believe that breed-specific legislation is stupid. This particular bill may be over the top, but breed-specific laws are brought on by a need, and wouldn't get off the ground without plenty of facts on record to support it.
A responsible owner would never allow...sm
Their pitbull to wander around public. That is why we have attacks. Owners should be responsible and keep them as well as any dog in a fenced in yard. Or if out in public on a leash. Mine will never be wandering around in public on its own. That is totally irresponsible. If I saw a pitbull out in public I would be cautious myself.
Dear Responsible
I think responsible and owner of pitbull somehow just does not go together.
The owners who are not responsible are ...sm
the problem. I would be mad too if I went out and was approached by a pit bull who growled at me, and I own a pitbull. He should be kept in his owners yard or home. No dog, pit or otherwise, should be allowed to roam around the neighborhood.
I fully understand you being furious. I would be too.
You are not responsible for any loonies out there
By having feedback like I got from this site, gave me an understanding of how to approach this sorta awkward situation. You just have people out there that seem to thrive on what they perceive to be right and what is the actual truth.
Yes. Make your teenager responsible for as much as she can pay for.
and maybe a little more. Don't make it easy. Make sure that she has to work a little (not so much that grades suffers), has to budget, and plan and take the responsibility of driving seriously. This is more than likely the most dangerous thing your child has done so far her life. Make sure she understands that. It's not a social thing, a drive-around-with-your-friends thing. Preparing a young person for driving responsibilities is life and death.
Unfortunately, in the last three yeas, I've been to three funerals for teenage drivers -- all of whom were out of control in every aspect of their lives. Our state does not allow children to become licensed drivers until age 16-1/2. Our house rule was age 17. We did pay for the driver's ed, because it was pricey, our sons truly could not afford it, and we wanted our boys to have ever chance to learn to drive safely. Even though we taught them ourselves, as well, sometimes kids hear better what total strangers say to them! Also, I had a rule during permit driving sessions with my boys. They were never allowed to argue with me while we drove together. I was the teacher. I knew more than them. No arguing over anything, or else I terminated the lesson, car was pulled over, I drove home and that was the end until I felt we were ready for another driving lesson. That rule drove home how serious a responsibility driving is. I only had to do it once to one of my sons.
My oldest was lucky enough to inherit is grandfather's pristine 1991 Toyota (38,000 original miles) when pop-pop no longer could drive. It's a decent, dependable car. My son pays for repairs and gas. We pay for the insurance at this point, simply because we live in a big eastern city, and insurance is sky high. But, our son is also paying his own college tuition, so I have no problem helping him out with the insurance on his car.
This is a big deal. Make sure your daughter grasps the gravity of the responsibility. Don't argue with her about anything. These decisions have to be made by the parents, because it's a health and safety issue for your daughter and everyone else on the road with her.
Make him responsible for the decision
If he wants to switch schools and give up the scholarship, tell him he has to get the funding to do it. I had to do the same thing with my daughter. She gave up a good scholarship at a great private school for pharmacy because she wanted to come back closer to home to be around her boyfriend. She ended up having to take out the loans to pay for it.
There is nothing written in stone that says we have to pay for our children's educations. It is nice if you can help as a parent, but I think kids learn much more if they have some of their own resources invested.
Dear Ms Thinks she is responsible
Truely funny how pitbull owners go on the defensive with what other dogs do. I am sure animal control knows how to be around and handle but even these people are attacked by these dogs. I rescue animals (not these as I want no responsibility for their acting out)but where I rescue these dogs are not adopted out, just put down. Even the people who are in the "know" so to speak do not want to be responsible.
YOU are not responsible for his debts, HIS ESTATE is....
You should read the posts better.
Was your brother your stepbrother and your mother your stepmother?
Therefore you did not care to help in locating your stepnephew/niece, so that they can get their shares?
No, you can not be held responsible for their bill -
nm
You shouldn't feel responsible....
As mean as it sounds, you have put up with it and YOU have decided for yourself that enough is enough and if you tell him so and IF he bounces back to alcoholism, then basically he is a grown man and that is HIS choice, you cannot let it affect you or make you feel responsible.
My sister-in-law is in the same boat as far as her husband being an alcoholic. It has put so much stress on her and their children and it has been going on about 15 years. He won't seek help though and she won't leave him. She just says that she is hoping one day he wakes up and sees what a good wife she is. I feel bad for her that she has wasted so much time on someone like that.
It seems to me the key here is whether this behavior sm
is a change from his previous actions, or whether he was always like this and is getting worse. If the latter, your marriage doesn't sound like it's worth working on, not just because of his behavior (which would be repulsive to me), but because you obviously don't have any positive feelings for him anymore. As a member of a strong Christian church which also advocates that the man is the head of the family, this kind of behavior would be completely unacceptable. Men are to treat their wives with respect and understanding.
If it is a change from his behavior when you were first married, he may have a serious medical or emotional problem. If so, and he doesn't get help, things may just get worse. Good luck to you.
Odd cat behavior
Does anyone know why my female cat would meow/cry loudly almost as if in distress when I use the oven? It's really starting to freak me out, like maybe it is going to blow up or something and she's trying to warn me. It seems to be working fine as far as I can tell and this has been going on a while now. Any ideas?
Bad Behavior
Apparently it was Megan's brother who was heckling Kara the night before and yelled out "broken record". Kara went up to him after and confronted him two different times. Megan seemed to get a big ego rather quickly. I think her mood came down to a screeching hault when Simon said they weren't even going to bother letting her sing again. Someday she is going to look back and cringe at that spectacle
Bad behavior............. sm
It has been said that people will treat us as badly as we allow them. Don't believe yourself to be unworthy of good treatment because that would only set the relationship up for more bad or possibly worse treatment in the future. Hold out for someone who treats you well and treasures the opportunity to be in your company. He is out there and he is the one who is worthy of your time.
Because you breed out of wedlock then that makes you a responsible person?
Sorry, not where I come from. I am so glad I did not bring home (well years ago it just WAS NOT done) children. If a female got pregnant, sent away to an unwed mother home, most of the time the child given up for adoption. When I was growing up you did not pop out babies right and left without a husband. I have had more than my share of responsibility, been able to stand on my own 2 feet and provide really well for my family. I made the right decision for me and do not regret and have never looked back on my decisions.
I completely believe Howard Stern is responsible for both Daniel
much for it just to be overdoses in two cases. I don't buy it.
I see where you are coming from because I would be nagged by guilt and feeling responsible
for the problem. I have those tendencies too. No way should you cash your IRA for a car.
From the behavior you describe... sm
And the fact that you said he's old, it sounds to me like this guy is senile or has other mental problems going on. BUT, I think it would be a mistake to assume he isn't dangerous just because he's a little old guy who seems a little off. I also think you should notify the local police about him. He might be a danger to himself, if not others. If nothing else, he's a nuisance and should be reported.
I'm also someone who has all doors and windows locked at all times, and I don't open the door to strangers. Sometimes I do feel like I'm a little bit paranoid, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I also have the car doors locked when I'm driving anywhere.
I'm amazed that anyone leaves doors and/or windows unlocked, but I know it happens. My mother-in-law and father-in-law, for example? OMG. They never lock their doors! They live in a small mobile home park for seniors, in a small-ish town, and my MIL feels like it's safe. What really kills me is, she doesn't lock their doors at night, and she takes out her hearing aids to sleep, so she wouldn't even hear anything if someone did come in their home at night! She says "Oh we have great neighbors. Everyone watches out for each other." What?! Crazy. And this is a woman who loves to read true crime novels and watches court TV and knows about the things that can happen. She worked as a legal secretary for decades and is very intelligent in all areas but this one. I just can't understand it. They don't live near us, but when we go to visit, I go around and lock all the doors at night. Otherwise, I'd never get to sleep!
As a side note, there is an excellent book called 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin DeBecker. I highly, highly recommend it to all women. Get a copy today! I also like a show on the Discovery Channel called 'It Takes a Thief.' It's very enlightening about just how easy it is for criminals to break into most homes.
That's my 2 cents. Stay safe, ladies! :o)
And again, she cannot change his behavior, only hers
will not back down on that one. Lots of reason for divorce. Staying because of the children is an absolute wrong way to work at a marriage. She finds him disgusting, surely the children notice or they will when they age a little. I would not care if I had 10 children hanging onto my apron strings, would not want to stay somewhere that I am so unhappy I ask outsiders what they would do. My mother divorced in a time when no parents divorcing, believe it or not, and when I went to elementary school I was asked why no daddy. I turned out well, felt it had no adverse effect on me. Saw him, didn’t see him, ?? Really loved my stepmom though. He did do a good thing right in his life by bringing her into it.
There is also the behavior issue of (sm)
submissive piddling.
You can buy something called a Belly Band for him to wear in the house. If he dribbles with it on, he gets himself wet, so this can teach him not to let that happen. I've just heard that not all pet stores call it a Belly Band or know what that is, but you can Google something like house training, canine belly band, and you can read about it and maybe order on line.
Corgis are so cute. You can post pictures here on the gab board.
Behavior changes in husband
I have searched the internet for some clues to what is described below but not even sure what key words to enter in a search.
Anyway, husband is 46 and exceedingly fit and athletic his whole life. Behaviorally and genetically he is prone to accentuated mood highs and lows, not quite bipolar probably but close. Runs heavily in his family. He tends toward aggression, bullying and denial at times. Childish at times, even naive, very literal even though highly educated. All the above has been increased by about double (particularly the childishness in behavior and decision-making) in the past year and it is nearly intolerable. He often doesn't process what I say or else is just not listening to me. I have to repeat things over and over and worst of all, he makes poor decisions about things and I often feel like I'm living with an 8-year-old. I am stressed on an almost constant basis. Alzheimer's came to mind but couldn't find anything that really fit in looking at symptoms. Is there the possibility of mental illness manifesting itself at this age?
behavior problems
We have had and still have behavior problems with our son and he is ADHD, have you had your child tested? He also has ODD, which stands for oppisitional definance disorder. He sees a therapist on a regular basis and it has helped tremendously with his behavior.Your school psychologist is not very good or qualified if he has not referred you to any outside help. Your pediatrician should be able to help you out and point you in the right direction.
Terrier behavior sm
We had a part terrier (not pit bull) who destroyed everything in sight when we left her, sailed over a 6-foot fence, took clothes and glasses and buried them in the ground, etc. She literally was a "goat" and the payoff was when she ate the living room couch when I had 20 people coming over and it was Christmas Eve. When I called the shelter they told me that if I brought her there and she did that with someone else, they would have kept bringing her back and she would eventually be euthanized. Sixteen years and a lot of furniture later, she finally died of old age. When she was 10, she began to get a little better, but we put up with an awful lot. I have talked to others who have had "terrier" type dogs who did crazy things when left alone. I don't think the dog will change, but good luck. I have Uncle Matty videos, green apple spray (she liked it) and tons of self-help books for owners of dogs as mentioned. All I can say is good luck, you have to have patience, common sense and a sense of humor. I hope there's a reward somewhere for what we put up with as animal lovers but I did not have the heart to see this crazy, one-black eyed dog being put down, so I kept her and kept trying. She ate the shingles off the house, a brand new shed, a few couches, some kitchen cabinets, and the list goes on......it's true. Animal Lover here! You could buy a kong at the pet store and put peanut butter in it (or several) to keep the dog busy for awhile, but when that's empty, expect the next best thing to disappear.
Kids behavior
How a child acts at home is not an indicator of how he/she acts when away from home and parents, no matter what is taught in the home. It is always good to get the whole scoop from others who were there exactly what happened before you go off on anybody. It just could be that the other mom is sitting there angry because of what your child might have done to her child that she might have felt the need to defend herself against. I learned this from experience. I thought I had the perfect angel also, raised with good morals, two-parent home, involved in church, no bad behavior at home, but found out I was dead wrong when watching a video from the school (also a private grade school). Just something to think about.
need some insight into son's behavior
I wonder if anybody has any insight into my son's behavior and performance in school. His dad and I have talked until we are blue in the face and we have also left him alone and have given him space regarding his grades. Neither causes any change. He just keeps telling us he doesn't care about high school and that it does not matter. He has no respect for the teachers (not many of them take teaching very seriously, in all honesty, so I can't much blame him for that) and he doesn't feel like he should try since they don't.
This is a kid who scores in the 98 to 99th percentile on standardized testing. He is SO smart, friendly, outgoing, quick-witted, and for the most part respectful. He doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs. He plays guitar in the praise band at church. He is a good kid, but he just refuses to do his school work.
This has been a struggle for the past 4 years of high school. He is supposed to graduate in May, but the last 9 weeks report card came today and he got 2 F's, a D and a C. The 2 F's were gimme classes, believe it or not. If he doesn't bring those up to average a passing grade he won't graduate. It makes me sad, confused, frustrated beyond belief, worried, just to name a few emotions.
He says he thinks he has ADD but I think he just WANTS to have it so he can have a pass, so to speak. I think it could be some deeper problem, like our family dynamics, playing a role. Does anybody have any ideas on how this boy can be inspired to rise to meet even the smallest challenge?
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