Gee, I am sorry if I seemed flippant about it..sm
Posted By: nn on 2007-03-26
In Reply to: Good for you - not for me
I did not mean to be. Mine was 40 years ago and though I don't have nightmares about it anymore, if I am reminded of it or begin talking about it, it is there just like it was yesterday. It was a bad experience in my life, no doubt, but in all honesty, I have been through worse from my own former husband, and survived. You can find the strength within you, if you choose to. or you can choose to wallow in it for the rest of your life, letting it control you, letting it control everything about you, keeping you from accomplishing anything but self pity and depression. I experienced all that you have, as well, and moving past it was not easy, but I did...for my own sanity's sake...and I had to learn to forgive. I was told that I was asking for it, as well, by the very police who were supposed to protect me. I held a lot of resentment for a lot of years, but it was tearing me up inside. I knew there was more out there...good things...that I would never experience if I did not forgive the people who did bad things to me, the people I did bad things to, and forgive myself, as well. Happiness is created. by you. so is anger, depression, self-pity, and a never ending stream of continued bad experiences. I prayed a lot and learned to trust the one thing that truly did love me and would never do anything to hurt me...God. He brought me out of my pit and showed me how good life can be, if I only chose to believe that he would. I could tell you a devastating story of abuse in my life, beginning with my mother, the rape I endured, at the hands of my own husband, and many others who I have encountered in my lifetime. My story could probably make yours seem pale in comparison...but that person is no longer me. That was somebody else. I chose better for myself, and that choice changed my life. It is all about choices. and if, per chance, I had gotten pregnant by my rapist, I would not hate the child for something that I had no control over. The child would not have been responsible for any of it and also would have been a part of me, as well...the good part. The loving part. I would have survived that, as well. If you need to talk, you can email me. If not, I wish you all the good things you deserve in life. :8]
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