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Great M's Day -- no kids, no husband (sm)

Posted By: adh on 2006-05-15
In Reply to: My mother's day - chopped liver

and an onmibus Jane Austen to curl up with. Wish I had something to eat, though.

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Your kids come first, not your husband's lifestyle.

I would never work myself to death for any man, no matter what he did for me.  Men are SUPPOSED to be the primary breadwinners in the family.  Paying for your school and your computer.  Pshaw!  I think you've more than made that up already.  Who takes care of your kids while you're working all these jobs?  You're going to regret it so bad when your kids are grown up and all they remember is being in daycare while you work.  Wow, he's got it pretty good with his little indentured servant, doesn't he?  What about what YOU want out of life?  I suppose you do all the housework, too?  You're going to burn out and fry yourself.  How much life insurance does he have on you?  Since obviously money means more to him than his wife and kids' happiness.    Geez, I'd rather be poor, broke, bankrupt, single, and on welfare than working myself to death for any man.

no way..i have 3 little kids and a husband to take care of..
i do good to keep up with what i have now. i was wondering if 1 cent higher though would make up the differnece of not getting paid for spaces.
kids, spagettiOs, husband, whatever.
Me, probably PB toast after kids are asleep and I can't stand the hunger pains anymore. Ahhhh...the life.
LOL Actually, I've got a husband and kids that keep me warm.
They're all "heaters", meaning they get very warm when they sleep.
My husband was unwilling to watch the kids BUT he did it - sm
he was more scared though (baby under 2 at the time). I went to 1 class a week at night. He lived. He still did not take an active part in helping with the kids (since I did not "work" and he did) until we had another child. Then he really had no choice and my 1st daughter learned she had a dad too. Now they are both total daddy's girls and he takes care of them more than I do now.....though I really don't get much time to myself. But at least he is there for me when I need it. Your hubby needs to get his head out of his ___ and help too. You are working too, or did your paycheck slip his notice? I still have a little trouble with that crap (since I don't leave the house) but he would not be happy not to have it, or have his kids in afterschool care so I could work elsewhere.
No kids, husband gone 12 hours, you work at home? SM
Priceless! That sounds like the perfect arrangement to me. I'm not kidding, either.
If my husband died I'd just focus on raising my kids.
And then after they were raised - no, I wouldn't actively pursue meeting someone else.  If I just happened to someday meet the perfect match, fine.  But I wouldn't be out looking.  I think it would just be too hard to adjust to not only the death of your husband, but living with someone completely different.  I'd just fill my life with all kinds of OTHER stuff.
My husband forgets important dates though the kids help to remind him - sm
He has never forgotten Valentine's but all we do is cards usually. Granted I am sure for a little while it was not a favorite date of his as his first wife left him on Valentines day....guess she wanted to make a statement/impression. He came home with some things for her to an Dear John letter and an empty house.
It IS the perfect arrangement...no kids, no husband, and working at home...priceless!
My husband is great...sm

He was very supportive when I was in school and throughout the whole process.  I'm sorry yours doesn't take you seriously. 

This is funny, though.  DH has off work from today until the 2nd.  I only have off Christmas and New Years because I have only been at my new company since August (NOT complaining!!).  He keeps asking, what is he going to do with all that time off.  After I told him what the ladies said at the grocery store, he said, Well, I'll help you work (he types with 2 fingers!) You know, since ANYBODY can do it.

This really isn't about your husband. I am sure he is great.
I was only struck by the the fact you said no one should be little about a gift. However, the gift this company gave out made this employee - and probably others - feel little. To me it is inappropriate to give a gift like that.
I have a husband with a great job - that helps! nm
Great while it lasted and I was home with my kids...but
now I'm back in school too. Going for a professional degree. I own a service, so a little bit different for me because I got to have the fun of building up a business, marketing, etc. Don't think I would have been happy with just the MT work and for sure, not with the money. But my daughter never had to go to daycare and I was home when my son came home from school. That's valuable!  But the end is in sight...so I will be going to school while my business can still pay me a salary.
What a great post! I have 3 kids and my oldest just started college ...

I miss him like crazy even though he comes home every weekend with his laundry!   He is also a drummer in a band and for some reason, their new drum set is at my house.  But, I realize that soon enough my house will stay clean and the noise (i.e. - drums, guitars, laughing, fighting - not sure I'll miss the fighting!) will quiet, so I try to enjoy it all as much as possible.  (excuse me while I go have a quick cry and then get back to work! 

Happy New Year, everyone!

DH is dear husband or any number of colorful adjectives preceding husband. (no message)
Do little kids like caramel? My big kids won't even eat it! We make the basic Baker's chocolat
I totally understand but if your husband is like my husband... sm

When it comes to something like that, that I usually take care of but for whatever reason I can't, I will tell my husband exactly what to do, but when he comes back - to use your case as a "for instance" - I will ask him, "Did the doctor look at his foot?" 

Him: "No."

Me: "Did you ask the doctor to look at his foot?"

Him: "No."

Me:  "I told you to have the doctor look at his foot!"

Him: (shrug)

etc., etc., etc.

Your husband may not be like that - I sure hope he isn't. And yes, they should have checked his vitals and checked his foot without being asked. But sometimes you have to be assertive with people. And while my husband attained the rank of major in the Air Force and had no trouble ordering people around, there are times when he should be assertive but isn't. And he is not intimidated by doctors - he started his AF career as an x-ray tech (that's how we met). I dunno....(Rad MT wanders off, mumbling....)

I never said you shouldn't have kids! Feeling guilty? I asked WHY you had kids.
You clearly stated in your post that you ship the kids off to camp all day, and they're TIRED AT NIGHT!!  You know exactly what you said.  You said it as a PERK - AS IN GREAT! They're gone all day, it wears them out, and so I shovel dinner in their mouths and off to bed!  You can try to paint it any way you want, but YOU SAID IT.  Again, I only hope your kids never hear you speak that way or write that way. Shame on you.  Why have kids at all?  Just another parent who has them, gets rid of them for day AND night, BRAGS ABOUT IT, and then calls ME wicked!  Give me a break!  Camp is fine - its WHAT YOU SAID AND YOU KNOW IT.  Your own words showed your heart. Period.
Kids are demanding and so is MT work. My question is how CAN you do this with kids, rather than how
When you have two young kids, 11 months apart, (like I stated they are now 4 and 5) and have been doing this since they were born with no help from their father and no family around, YES, the kids get neglected. Part time might work but living on one salary, part time, is not an option. How can you possible tell me that anyone with two young kids can stay at home and work a full-time, 8-hour shift, and still give their kids the attention they NEED. I dont care how good you are at multitasking and how great your organizational skills are. It is a very difficult thing to do. And I am offended by your post making it sound as if it is easy to do.

I do agree that it can depend on how well your kids behave and how well they are able to play on their own. But my kids were not able to play well on their own. They needed constant attention.

So please take the time to realize that there are people out there in different situations than your own.

Reading our posts should help you to understand that everyone has a different situation. I believe everyone should have the right to shares their experiences as it might benefit the original poster in her questions and concerns.

I dont think anyone should be bashed for taking the time out to write about their experiences. I dont usually come on here to argue but you really ticked me off with your post. And try reading the post correctly. I said next time around I would have put them in day care. What I DID do with them was set them up to an activity like art or put on a movie for them. Geez.
Stayed "because of the kids?" I say "leave because of the kids"
You're in no position to buy right now. Keep saving, keep paying down your bills, and for heaven's sake get rid of that dead weight of a BF you're living with. You can do better.
So, should I return the $75 (x2 kids) in music cards I got the kids for x-mas...sm
My son has been telling me about free music sites and I was very leary.  How do they skirt the law Radguy?
I don't have kids, but my Mom was from the "old school," and still had everyone, kids inclu

call her by her first name.  The little neighbor girl next door from the time she could speak called her Aggie (my mom's first name), and they were great buddies until the day my mom pased away. 

I don't think there really is much in a name, but more in the respect you are given and the way you are treated.   Personally, I kind of cringe inside when someone calls me Ms. Anything or God forbid, "maam" (makes me feel like Methuselah!) ... I'm always just plain Merrie.  :-)

But, as someone pointed out, to each his own.  If you want to be addressed a certain way, you have that right, and people should respect that.  I'm glad you corrected the child ... hope it "sticks."    

Please do not simply give up, kids or no kids!
Talk with a professional. This can be worked through if he really puts forth the effort and you participate. The right counseling can truly make your marriage even better than it was before, if BOTH parties are willing to be honest. Give it a try. Nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain!
Saw him on CMT show with John Fogarty. Great, great singer with a neat personality and drop dead
gorgeous without seeming to know it. 
Great post. I swear by both Advantage and Frontline Plus-- both work great! - sm
I don't know about "natural" approaches for the house. I have always used flea bombs in the past before the miracle of Advantage and Frontline changed my life. Have not had a flea problem at all since I began using those products about 10 years ago, dose all the dogs religiously once a month with the Frontline Plus except in Dec.-Feb. to save a few bucks and because the ground is generally frozen by then and no fleas are scurring about. -- Hope you get flea free soon.
Thanks to all. Got some great feedback and ecouragement. This board is great.
My rant passed, ate a late lunch, now back to the trenches.
GREAT GREAT SHOW! I still think Ellen Pompeo
should have gotten the Emmy/Golden Globe whatever it was for the show. I like Sandra Ho, her character just needs more depth... Next week looks AWESOME!! Maybe there is still a chance for McDreamy!! First season DVD coming out with deleted scenes! Can't wait to get it & watch it!!
It is a GREAT company and great deal! I've had
Vonage about 6 months now and I love it. The only mistake I made was trying to keep my original phone # - I wouldn't recommend that. You have a temp # for a while, and the other provider can fight for the old #, etc. Go to vonage. com. They have new features all the time! There is even a new soft phone that is a phone on your screen. You don't need a real phone when working - just headset. It has 800 #s you can have very inexpensively - great voice mail. You get emails when you have new messages, etc. I only wish I had used them a year ago! Nothing but good things to say, and I complain about everything!
Sounds like he will do great then. Again, best wishes for great success!
That's great Patti. Thanks. Have a great time at the beach.
You should feel great as a transcriptionist if they think your work is that great!!!
It is not your fault they approached you. I think it would be a different storey if you were the one searching for the job to take away from a company. They obviously want to get rid of the company and if you didn't take the job they would probably ask someone else. You should enjoy the better position and not feel guilty!!
Great post -great job of wording your answer! (sm)
Original poster - I completely agree with this answer, especially the part about finding yourself and using all that you have learned intellectually and connecting that to something that you will also enjoy with your heart!! You have so many wonderful options for your future - much more than many of us.
IT - great program, great support system. nm
Thanks for all the great advice! You guys are great!
LOL husband
But you have your husband all the time, think out of the box (smile)..who else would you want?  Sure hubby or boyfriend is the best but.....
Not me...husband. nm
At least I have a husband...

The word on the street is that your husband left with the better-looking, better-smelling, thinner girl next door.  POOR MOLESTED YUCK!!

Yes, my husband and I had our
we chose our wedding date (go ahead and laugh if you want) so that we would have an auspicious start to our marriage...has worked so far, as we've been married for 23 years. People tease us 'cause we act like a couple of giddy teenagers around each other and (try not to throw up) it's really true.

Historically, centuries ago, physicians also were trained in astrology and wouldn't perform surgeries until the stars were aligned properly for the patient. No void of course moons and certainly no retrograde mercury.

Remember all the confusion with the 2001 presidential election? Election day was held with mercury retrograde.

And, yes, I believe what you've said. And, yes, listen to your intuition; it's never wrong. As Einstein said, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."

my husband does that, too
and he drives his truck. He's been thinking of getting him a motorcycle but with him using that at 4:30 a.m. in country roads that have no lights, do you think it is safe for him?
My husband is the same way SM

He mumbles and grumbles, rolls his eyes, etc.  He says I spend all my time on the stinkin' computer.  He wants me to stop working whenever he calls, whenever he is hungry, whenever he wants to go somewhere, etc.  I feel so stressed out too.  It is a regular argument in our home as well.  I routinely work to 2 to 3 a.m.  I get up at 6:45 to get the kids dressed and fed (big struggle as I am dead tired and they are generally uncooperative-not morning people-so I'm yelling, he's snoring (can you say "resentment??").  Finally, about 7:30 I wake him up and tell him to take the kids to school.  He thinks he's so great because he spends 10 minutes dropping them off...ugh.  Then he has the gall to throw it in my face that I go back to bed for 2 hours.  Geesh...he comes home from work each night and crashes on the couch until it is time to go to bed.

Well, he certainly doesn't mind spending my paychecks and complains that they are not as big as they used to be (when I worked in house).  Sigh...Men!  Can't live with them, can't....nah, just can't live with 'em! ;)  Waaaaahhhh!!  I need a wife!

LOL....well, at least you know you're not alone!  Hugs to you,


Husband's a CPA......
says you can work as an IC or SE, for different companies. You just get different forms from your companies to file with the IRS. As SE, they will pay some of your taxes, you then pay the rest quarterly, and you can still deduct your expenses. If IC, you pay ALL your own taxes quarterly and can still deduct expenses related to your business.
Well, first of all, I don't believe that it is babysitting if it is your own kids, it's called parenting and more husbands should try it. I think I would look into counseling. No way would I be married to a man who "let me" or "didn't let me" do anything. Good thing I have a great DH.

Good luck!
about husband won't let me.....sm

Wow - I feel like we are back in the Dark Ages....with the neanderthals...."husband won't let me go back to school" and "husband will not babysit the child" - or words to those effect.

Father's are not babysitters if the children are theirs!  That's a crock.  A babysitter is someone the parent(s) hires.

And as for "husband won't let me" - I'd have gotten rid of him DECADES ago.  *lol* but not really laughing.  Any man who will not let  (allow) his wife to better herself in any way, shape, or form is a terribly INSECURE man.  Get out before it's too late for you to save your own life and become your own HERO (heroine)!!! 

feel very bad for the poster(s)........pitiful actually (the controlling husband)

Take my husband, Please !

 Why does he put his clothes on the bathroom or bedroom floor two inches away from the basket?    Why does he take his plate to the sink with food on it when he knows he hasn't installed a garbage disposal?  While I'm on that subject, why does he take PAPER plates to the sink?   This is not helpful.  

Yes, please tell us how your husband

Some people are sooooooooo incredibly stupid. Some people are also plain ol' bigots and will attempt to lump everyone in the same category based on their race.  How in the heck does your husband know the race of his classmates if he takes classes over the internet.  Did his classmates tell him what their race was?

I am a black person and am extremely offended by your statement.  Did you think that only white people visited this site?

this is my first husband.
My son was born out of a very short immature teenage relationship, which I ended 2 weeks after I told him I was pregnant. He proved his immaturity very quickly in his actions and I decided one baby would be enough to handle, I didn't need two. That choice, I feel, was very responsible and smart. I DO NOT regret keeping my son as he is a wonderful, smart, loving child who has a lot to give to this world.

I am done defending myself to those who choose to bring me down rather than offer some of the pros/cons of staying married or going single again.
What husband???
No husband. nm
My husband had this done
He regrets it sometimes. He still has problems on and off with reflux but had it much worse before the procedure. He lost a lot of weight after the procedure, probably 20 pounds or so because you are limited on the portion and what food you can eat. You are on a liquid diet the first 2-3 days then soft diet for about a week then gradually can start eating solid food again. He also has a lot of problems with gas, he constantly take gas pills but everyone I am sure is different.
my husband was there and...
He had me send Coolaid, nonperishable foods, candy, snacks, toiletries, and stuff like that.  When my husband was over there, it was the beginning of the war over there and they didn't have all of that stuff.  It may be different now though.  You may want to go look at the forums at www.military.com.  I am not sure, but you may find something there.
I said to my husband
at the beginning of the show "I hope Uncle June doesn't have a firearm in that house". He was talking about Pussy and some other guy that was also whacked. Tony made the mistake of saying one of their names when he was calling to him for supper. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT! I said, "he shouldn't have said THAT", no sooner were the words out of my mouth and BANG! I hate when I'm right about things like that. He's going to survive, just waiting to see how it plays out. I LOVE THE SOPRANOS! I LOVE JAMES GANDOLFINI! Good night!